The Mother Goes Ahead

Maiden, whither do you go,
with your diadem of silver and
your ecru shantung robe?
Won’t you stay a while and count with me
the ways a net can hold a sphere,
and whether it may flow?

Else let me wander in your wake:
Give to me hibiscus dress,
hedge maple breast:
And I will guard your taxa;
And create myself by declaration,
And unhold the names that falter.

Oh, but won’t you stay to speak my name!
In soothing and in psalter;
Giggle light upon my altar,
And let me worship you with wine.

Else carry me a while:
Teach your bird to sing in chroma;
Wash me sweet in the aroma
of the levity you keep.

Queen of sorrows, bless me please
to release the fist I clenched in fear;
That I may not punish what in me appears
and in vain crucify my king.

Oh, but whither do you go?
Please call out to me from there!

I have always felt guided and protected by a feminine presence in my life. 

This poem and this post are first of all an ode to the love that my mother showed and continues to show for me, as well as the undying love of my wife. I am endlessly grateful for the strong, beautiful women that have graced my life.

But the presence that has guided me since my youth is a sort of internalized or transcendent form of this concrete love. It is an experience of and interaction with what has been called the Divine Feminine. In my life this has taken the particular form of a special devotion to Mary, the mother of Jesus.

I have realized slowly over time that this Divine Feminine presence is not, strictly speaking, apart from me but is rather part of my “Other,” the alterity in relation to which I know myself. That is, the Mother is one of the persons through whose eyes I view and reflect on myself, or my ego.

She is endlessly full of grace: forgiving of the contingent characteristics of my being that I see as flaws and failures. Rather than the temporary appearances or achievements, she tends directly to my becoming: to the very process of my growth and autonomy. She is ever granting forgiveness and renewal. Her embrace is warmth, consolation, and safe harbor—home.

It is in the spirit of the Divine Feminine that I would like to reflect on the beginning of spring. In what ways can I offer myself renewal and forgiveness? As the world blooms once more, can I tend to my own blossoming, seeing through the contingencies of my being straight to the heart of my perpetual becoming?

I’ll start by offering this post as a tribute and a prayer; for prayer is made from the position of the embodied ego, calling to the co-conceptualized Other for help, or offering to the Other a question or confusion. I offer to Mary, Mother of God a prayer of contrition and longing as this new season dawns. If you’d like, you can join your voice to mine.

May the Divine Feminine answer with her quiet embrace, in the hushed tones of a world awakening. Be kind to yourself!