The Three Singers

I was brought down
To the place where all the world’s a poem, an art-garden,
and all the people sculptors.

Unwillingly admitted, in fact—
a three-day sojourn among the cluttered, the broken-in.
The fallen leaves, coloring still; not green again or yet
(but greenness is self-serving anyhow).

I met perchance three singers with one braided song.
The song was mine, and they sang in my voices. I joined in despite myself.

One showed how I lie to myself.
One revealed how I have lied to others—in my names and with my hats; with myself the first fruit of this deception.
One testified to where I should raise my eyes—whose gaze I should seek, and what else I may avert.

I was become blind to my blindness;
and now agnostic to my sight.

“Behold your God” is to “Be many-holed; you’re just a man” as “zoo” is to
“centrally planned garden-structure,” and that’s just as well: Just speak quickly.

I’d take any of it or leave it for a whole bowl of soup (if the bowl is a nice ceramic and I get to keep the bowl).

This poem is about my three-day stint in a mental institution after my first experience of mania and psychosis. I was admitted unwillingly for a three-day stay at McLean Hospital in Belmont, MA. To read about the backstory, check out this earlier post.

My stay at McLean was an emotional experience for me, both at the time and in hindsight, and one from which I learned a lot. As the poem intimates, it was my interaction with the other patients (the “three singers”) that really struck me.

The experience was at once humbling and uplifting. I could see the intelligence and humanity of the other people who were in the same ward as I was. I could see that I was among a class of people working to sculpt a coherent vision of ourselves from the raw material we were given. We were a group of people trying to love ourselves while also trying to change ourselves, and sitting with that tension.

I may write more about this experience in the future, but for now I will let the poem and backstory speak for itself. There are too many emotions to unpack, and not enough time for it today.

Thank you for reading!